This post is quite different from my previous posts. I have been reluctant to share this if for no other reason than the fact it is so personal and has nothing to do with my book or any of my current writing projects. It is an entry from y personal journal. I wrote this without ever intending to share it with anyone. Upon finishing it, however, I was so excited I decided to share it with my friend Dennis who thought it might be something worth posting on this blog.
I agree. Therefore, I have decided to share this journal entry with you with the hope that it will bless you in some way.
August 11, 2024
I feel like I’ve been set free from something that has been plaguing me for years.
Over the past two weeks, for three days or more, I have griped and lamented in this journal about my past life and how much I hate it and hate what it has brought to my present tense life. I griped about the pain I felt, all the years of suicidal thoughts and the constant desire to die. I griped about my father hurting me, and how my mother stood by and just watched it happen. I poured my heart out and questioned God and His love for me. In it all I cried out to God, and in my temper tantrum I pushed faith aside and blamed God for what has seemed like passivity and abuse of His sovereign will.
Now, let me back up just a little. For more than twenty years, maybe closer to thirty or more, I have been praying for the Holy Spirit to do whatever it takes to conform me to the image of Jesus. I have sincerely been praying that prayer and wanting God to answer it.
This morning the message at church was on Romans 8: 26-30. The message centered on the word GOOD and how God (who is GOOD – Mark 10:18, Luke 18:19) uses everything in our lives to conform us to the image of Jesus (verse 29). Being conformed to the image of the Son of God is the optimum definition of the word GOOD as it relates to the relationship the Christ-follower has with the Father while in this world. God is GOOD, and He works for GOOD in the lives of His children, whom He has called unto Himself, all the things in our lives when we love Him.
I have griped and lamented and moaned about my past for a long time, and most recently in this journal. I never realized that God was using my pain of all those years to conform me to the image of Jesus. I have been hurting for nearly fifty-six years, and have studied Romans 8 for many of those years. There’s even a passage, 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18, that was referenced this morning that I’ve studied and written about extensively. I even have a BA in religion. And yet, despite all this knowledge, all my experience as a Christian, all the time I have spent studying the Bible and all the insights into scripture God has given me, I was never able to put all of this together to make sense of all my pain and suffering.
What really amazes me is how God knew all of this long before any of it happened, and this truly seals it for me. Specifically, while I was going through all of this pain, the Holy Spirit was interceding for me according to the foreknowledge of God the Father. WHILE I WAS GOING THROUGH THIS God knew He was already in the process of conforming me to the image of His son, Jesus. To put it another way, God has been conforming me to the image of Jesus, the Son of God, since the day I was born! This reality blows my mind.
This revelation is so freeing. Now that I have this understanding I feel like I have been set free from ALL my years of pain and suffering. AND look at this other revelation from Romans 8 for just a minute.
Romans 8:18 says , “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
Now look at Romans 8:30. “…and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.”
Clearly, God is saying in His Word that our suffering, the things we go through in this life, are not worthy of the GLORY He is going to reveal in us. We don’t see this glory. And yet, even though we don’t realize this glory, we truly have been GLORIFIED (verse 30).
Here’s the reality of this whole thing. God, in His foreknowledge, predestined us with all of our pain and suffering to be His children. When He did, we were called to be His children, and upon accepting this invitation were forgiven of our sins. Therefore we were justified, and when justified were given the Holy Spirit of Jesus to live inside of us. Paul says in Colossians 1:27 that Christ in us is the hope of GLORY! Amen!?
Think about it. We are walking around in the glory of God, because Jesus is us, in our spirit. His glory shines in us and throughout our lives. This includes all of our pain and suffering which He has and is using and will continue to use to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, through Whom all believers, including me, have been given abundant life. This is amazing and such a beautiful revelation of the Love of GOD the Father. This is only made possible because of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross to take away my sin, and His subsequent resurrection which PROVES that He overcame death, hell, and the grave. GLORY TO GOD! Hallelujah.
This is the Gospel message. This for me is the revealed mystery of the Gospel. This is my, nearly, forty-nine years of personal theological understanding put in perspective as seen through the lens of God’s love. For the first time in my life I get it. I understand the love of God in a way I have never seen before. This is literally, by far, the absolute biggest revelation of my life. For the first time in my life I can truly say that I love the Lord my God. He is indeed my Lord, and Savior. He is, indeed, the Alpha and the Omega, Author and Finisher of my faith. His Holy Spirit lives within me, and if I were to die today, I have no doubt that I would die knowing the Lord God of Heaven and His love for me.
Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sins. I now have freedom in you, Lord Jesus, for whom the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). Can I get an AMEN? Hallelujah! Praise the LORD. I am a child of God. Heaven watch out. I will be there someday, and when I get there, there’s going to be a whole lot of praising going on.
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